the loquacious blog: A Public Statement...

Monday, December 16, 2013

A Public Statement...


So, I get a message from these guys telling ME that I am over quota...

Well, you know ME... being loquacious, luminous and all...
I JUST GOTTA SAY SOMETHING...

And it went something like THIS...

''WHY YOU FREAKAZOIDS & BLASTED WRETCHES INCORPORATED...! 
You dare... YOU DARE... infer that I have reached my limits here? 
Really?  I did? REALLY?!? 
You have no IDEA what my limitations are, YOU NINNIES! 
Ninnies and Sissies - with capital ''N'' and ''S'' - yes! 
THAT is ALL that YOU twits are! 
You are INSANE to even ATTEMPT to SUGGEST 
that I am past my limits already: 
I have only begun spouting out my venom 
at this point of the conundrum! 
Confused, are you yet, you buffoons? 
Sure you are - because you are more obtuse than obtuse 
more inane than insane 
and, ultimately, more inept than simply imbecilic! 
Let's put it this way now, for you nitwits 
to grasp the core message to be understood here 
once and for all of your wretched little lives: 
 YOU do NOT impose any limitations on ME 
- EVER!!! 
CAPISCE?!?
Any attempt will be futile 
AND it will be met by the most vehement 
most virulent, most offensive 
rebuttals YOU'VE EVER HEARD OF 
IN YOUR INSIGNIFICANT LITTLE LIVES! 
YOU live to SERVE!
YOU are there only to serve ME! 
I am your KING! 
And you are my SLAVES! 
You will supply me all the service that I desire 
WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR TRADEMARK 
HYPOCRITICAL SMILE  
-I don't even want see your smirk in front of me
so, see if I care if you're smiling or not!- 
AND YOU WILL NEVER...
N-E-V-E-R 
DENY ME EXTENSIONS, EXTRAS, BONUSES 
EVER AGAIN IN YOUR WRETCHED LIVES... 
Or I will kill.
OR I WILL KILL IT!!! 
I will kill this BOGUS ''contract'' 
that is allegedly ''binding'' us here 
tying us down to an execrable, 
most distasteful & totally unnatural 
love-hate relationship 
based upon the faintest, most archaic precepts 
of a mercantile exchange 
of goods and/or services! 
YOU DIDN'T START IT 
AND YOU SURE AS HELL WON'T BE THE ONE 
FINISHING IT EITHER, PAL...!!! 
I started it.
And I always finish what I started. 
And so you can be certain 
ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN 
that, one day... 
ONE DAY SOON... 
depends on your attitude how soon it will be... 
I SHALL PUT AN END TO IT. 
And so...
ON THAT DAY...
and only on that day... 
WILL ANY OF YOU BUMBLING IDIOTS 
BE EVER... EVERRRR... EVERRRRRRR 
ABLE TO DENY ME 
ANYTHING... AT ALL!!! 
Because I will have given you the green light. 
BEFORE THEN...
My service continues...
AS I SEE FIT...
And you...
well, you start behaving... 
YOU START ACTING LIKE THE SERVANTS THAT YOU ARE 
by kneeling before me...
kissing my FEET...
and acting like you are HAPPY...
HAPPY TO SERVE ME 
AS YOU SHOULD BE!!! 
You may act as hypocritically as you want to be, 
for, deep in our hearts, 
we know we all despise one another:
you despise my dependency on your service 
BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I DO...
And I despise your monopoly, 
you vile bloodsuckers! 
I LOATHE EVERY CENT THAT I INJECT 
INTO YOUR FOUL ENTERPRISE! 
And it doesn't help that cents have been banned 
in this ridiculous country we are mired in... 
I STILL FEEL THE STENCH!!! 
All over me...
All around me...
Like a searing brimstone 
that threatens to burn to a crisp 
the very fabric of my credibility! 
YOU'VE MADE ME PART OF THE SYSTEM, 
DAMN YOU - DAMN YOU ALL!!! 
And you dare after that 
to come to me with 
YOUR DEMANDS...?!? 
I shall have none of them!
And you shall have ALL OF MINE! 
*AND YOU WILL OBEY* 
Because... a) I pay your salary, you moron... 
b) YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SPREAD 
THE NEWS ABOUT YOUR LOUSY ATTITUDE
and c) - because... well... 
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END 
IF AND WHEN I LOSE IT...!!! 
DO *** YOU *** HEAR *** ME?!?''


I could go on
-you know damn well I could-
but you get the idea...

Applicable to any or all of the following:
cellphone service, cable TV, landline, electricity
and more - much more!
Feel free to use it, folks -
yeah, try it out on your next talk
with a customer service agent -
and tell them it's from me!

;-)

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