the loquacious blog: May 2011

Monday, May 02, 2011

Fight! Fight! Fight!

On this blog in which the craziest match-ups have been spoken of (from Luminous Luciano versus Lufisto to Triple B & The Puppy Love Force versus Triple Y & The Abominables or something...!) we had to come to tackle the craziest match-ups discussed abundantly and constantly among fandom... Fanboys, being both endowed with (limited) imagination and (unlimited) amounts of time to waste will go over and over these things endlessly... And they never do seem to tire of it.
Let's try to end their wasteful ways ONCE AND FOR ALL.

One of the perennial topics of so-called interest has to be the endless debate about "who's stronger" - Hulk, Thing, Thor, Hercules, Gladiator, Sentry, Orion, Superman, Shazam (Captain Marvel, really) or Lord Knows who else... The first two, especially, being such similar cromagnons, always take precedence in any discussion about this ridiculous topic. In fact, the question is rating higher than existential for some guys out there; case in point this one here, whose exposé of the situation is so rich in detail... (Basically, he's summing up there how Marvel ripped off Q.Tarantino's idea for Kill Bill (and R.Scott's Gladiator too) by turning it into "Deport Hulk" instead - how timid a rip-off, considering comic-bookies and their creators go way overboard into the absurd and the outrageous when it comes to giving their characters abilities and power that simply DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE...! But that is another story...)

Why bother defining the exact strength levels of ANYONE (especially when it comes to fictional fakes) when you know that, no matter how strong you are, there will always be someone stronger somewhere? If only for a day - there will be someone to be found that is STRONGER. And when we say "stronger" we do not mean by the absurd levels of these super-brutes but by REASONABLE, EVERYDAY TERMS! In other words: IN REALITY...!

Truly, it is the kind of fare that belongs only in ONE PLACE: and that is videogames.

Or comic-books, of course.
And yet the fanboys who put these things together up on YouTube will call such action -action where it belongs- as FAKE. FAKE? Video-gamey arcade fluff is the ONLY PLACE FOR SUCH GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE! Gratuitous, aimless, without rhyme or reason...

If at least it served a purpose in a story - ANY story.... Alas, most so-called writers in that filed only craft poor plots in order to create chances for that goofy violence to take place - and it has been that way from the very beginning, with the Jack Kirbys, Stan Lees, Bob Kanes and the likes...!

One-on-one battles of the grotesque or the eccentric (such as people, imaginary people, who dress up in tights) are what people, real people, want to see, apparently...

Why stick to just two belligerents either - why not bring in BOTH entire freakin' stables into the senseless, ruthless, brainless fighting already?!?

At least, here, one could IN THEORY insert some meaning into this: for, perhaps, just perhaps, this could be viewed as some kind of PREVIEW of the Apocalypse or something...! So many combatants would not conceivably be fighting on like this simply to determine who among them is STRONGER - that is ridiculous! Let us have this absurd allegory for angels and demons take on added heavenly meaning as well, at least this once...! But the truth is that such a meaningful battle may be too much meaning for the fanboys to handle...

Ah, I see - such a battle, on such a scale, quickly becomes TOO MUCH INDEED. And even the most stubborn fanboy will begin to see, here, the inherent madness of it all! Far from being allowed to see a preview of the Armageddon, in this day and age of secularism, the fanboy will automatically shut off on anything with SCALE. The focus will revert to the one-on-one meaninglessness by a writing staff that has been mandated to write with THREE THINGS IN MIND: MASS APPEAL (in a secular way), NON-ALIENATION (of religions) AND... SALES! Thus, the focus on clashes between two marquee names, NO CONCLUSION WILL BE REACHED and that is the worst thing there could ever be - right, fanboys?

It is such an insidious subject - that it has never a satisfying conclusion is but ONE ASPECT OF THE CURSE...! It is, therefore, subjected to the whims and agendas of a 1001 participants, starting with the WRITERS... They, along with their masters, the preditors, get to decide who is going to win, who is going to lose - and in what fashion! No one's ego will get too smashed up in the process! Hmm... Now, where have I heard something EXACTLY LIKE THAT before...? Ah YES - "before each and every match, you know WHO IS GOING TO WIN, WHO IS GOING TO LOSE AND IN WHAT FASHION!" This was revealed by the first professional wrestler ever to reveal the truth about his business! And so, all these "epic battles" are nothing more than two-dimensional staged pieces of you-know-what... The frightening thing is that people know all this and yet THEY STILL GET SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE TALES OF THE TAPE...!!! Unbelievable...

They want so much to have their favorites gain "limitless" power levels - and yet it is clear to all of them that it is unrealistic to the infinite degree. Not just that, but every fanboy knows that the only true limitless thing there is their gullibility! Aye, infinite suspension of disbelief opens the doors for these sellers of fluff (Marvel, DC, Capcom and the rest...) to, well, truth be told these days, STAY AFLOAT - no more but no less than that! With slightly twisted and reinvigorated plots (such as the Kill Bill/Deport Hulk crap they trademarked "WORLD WAR HULK" - for more commercial impact! Again, just like wrestling does it...) they are therefore able to sell once again the same stories, the same battles, the same conflicts or legitimate absence thereof - but there will still be skirmishes that lead nowhere aplenty...! Fights for no true reason at all - and, in that waste of time and infinite series of tests of brawn, the essence of true storytelling is forever lost. We forget the true meaning of Good versus Evil as well - for nothing is ever so clear anymore either... The only thing that is clear here is the will to MILK IT ALL FOR WHATEVER IT IS WORTH - to make the most money out of whatever infinitesimal germ of potential there can be found in there!

The debates about who should trounce whom take over - and get subdivised onto as many categories as necessary too! Earlier, we mentioned the superheavyweights; there are the others as well... Spider-Man, Aquaman, She-Hulk (!) and Wonder Woman - or Wolverine, Lobo, Timber Wolf and The Creeper - or what about The Beast, Black Panther, Pantha, Tigra, Wildcat and Catwoman? Everybody should fight everybody else - and... then what?!?

I doubt anyone ever thought about that last bit: "THEN WHAT?"
But that is another story... One that will never see publication either, because it wouldn't sell... For this is never quite about the outcomes as much as it is about the "fun" to be had while it is those two guys or gals beating on each other, for not much reason at all - while *you* simply watch on from the side...!

The outcomes are discussed and the core of the debates - but they never truly are the end desired, deep down... And that is so ironic in itself!

But speaking of strictly outcomes, one final time, we may divulge the only one THAT EVERYONE WILL AGREE ON... It is the following outcome:

I couldn't resist including it...

Further more...
Well let us actually cut this crap short - lest we fall into the trap that we see these kiddos fall into on and on (it could be worse, of course - instead of being nerds, they could be doing drugs!) and tis a trap that we have fallen into ourselves, in our youth...


The best entry into these debates, by far, and the one I shall leave you with is the following: for it shows once and for all the folly of ANY DEBATING AT ALL...

Squirrel Girl owns Thor or Hulk hands down. Never underestimate the rodents.
- RDeathbringer 4 months ago, somewhere on YouTube...

And 'Nuff Said!
Or, should I say here ENOUGH LOQUACITY...?!?

Sempre Por O Melhor

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