the loquacious blog: November 2008

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Sapphic Chic finally meets an ignominous debacle it can't ignore...

And no, I am not talking about the alleged "debacle" Nicole Kidman suffered at David Letterman's Late Show the other night, while ATTEMPTING to promote her movie "Australia" on the heels of the announcement that she will be NEXT portraying the unheard-of plum part of a TRANSGENDERED "woman" married to an anatomically-correct woman portrayed by CHARLIZE THERON...!  Wow - Charlize and Nicole; a match made... where, exactly? On a casting couch...

It is duly noted by ALL that both actresses have won OSCARS for their portrayal of lesbian-inclined dames already; Nicole in THE HOURS (for her turn as the tormented scribe Virginia Woolf who appeared to be smitten with a lady relative; it happened to Nelligan, too, only *he* was a *boy* - duh) and Charlize won for her part in MONSTER (the appropriately-titled biopic of the sordid events in the life of an even more tormented, wacko serial killer that I shall not name - see the film if you want, I wash my hands of that monstruosity; I am not sure Christina Ricci can) and so, therefore, that reuniting them as a COUPLE now is sort of a sapphic voyeur's secret fantasy come true...!

However, no, really now, I am NOT talking about ANY of that here...!

Nor am I about to embark on a loooooong diatribe in which I'll alternatively denounce and lament the tiredness surrounding the whole "lesbian chic mystique" - since EVERYBODY is doing it, even Lindsay Lohan is allegedly involved in a lesbian relationship, Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana is seen kissing girls in mock fashion - or are they real kisses? Keep teasing us all, Miley! Billy doesn't mind; as long as you keep on having more success than he ever did - it consoles his achy breaky heart, I'm sure! Madge aka Esther aka Louisa Ciccone aka Mad-Onna (my preferred name for her!) will even seek out solace from her very own achy breaky situation (DIVORCE) with furtive liplocks with female fans randomly chosen! 1001 female models keep on posing as fake dykes on every catwalk there is; virtually EVERY television show DESPERATE for a ratings-booster has given it a go and all the newest tarts in the music industry, à-la-Katy Perry, keep on kissing girls too (and in Kate's case in particular but in many other cases too, in doing so, they're "Hot'n'Cold" at the same time as a result? Katy is smarter than the norm, after all. But that is another story...!)
Face it, folks - it has lost its newness, its aura of "shock" much less "excitement" of any kind and we're definitely past the point of LESBIAN SATURATION now! It is a dying trend that has run out of gas and left most everyone BLASÉ about it, finally!

Gals, face it - you'll have to kiss a horse's ass now in order to get REAL MEDIATIC ATTENTION these days...! (Maybe the Democratic Ass will do...)

Note, bimbos and assorted dumb blondes, that I mean that simply figuratively and RHETORICALLY; don't go out actively trying to start this new trend on unsuspecting farm animals and at every ranch you know of, now...! (You gotta tell them; because, well, you never know...! These creatures are gullible and highly ``influenceable`` if you know what I`m screaming here - and I do mean the gals, not the farm animals! Plus this sort of new fad might spike up them barnyard brawls y`know, the phenomenon we spoke of here before - gotta be careful with what fires we stoke here...!)

BUT ENOUGH OF ALL THIS NOW, DAMMIT - THAT WAS NOT MY POINT NOR INTENT COMING HERE TODAY to finally update my venerable (and very funny, if I say so myself!) Loquacious Blog...!

I merely wanted to point out the surefire sign of the death of lesbian chic - after the debacle suffered at the ZOO! In Tokyo today, among other hair-raising news, we learned that zoo keepers made a boo-boo! In trying to have two polar bears mate, all they succeeded in doing was successfully create the first lesbian ursine couple! For, upon closer inspection, they noticed that BOTH bears were female indeed! No wonder they failed to conceive...! Ahh - don't you just love NATURE teaching the eggheads THE BASICS all over again... hmm?

It is a crying shame too because the rumor is the Japanese crew had truly done a bang-up job in creating just the right romantic atmosphere for the bears, who took to mating rituals like, uh, penguins to ice water! Too bad the results weren't there in the end, eh?

(If I didnt know any better, I'd say that the polar bears took the example of the Japanese population at large, who are all encouraged NOT to reproduce at all, since they already have a huge overpopulation problem over there that comes with smog sold separately! Lesbian and gay coupling is not only hoped for in Tokyo - it is strongly suggested to the citizens as THE solution to the problem, on a short-term basis at least..! Short-term here means a few DECADES, I guess... Hey, Asian atheists see not an end of the world looming on the horizon - ever! No matter how bad the smog is - and how poor (or next to NIL) the visibility is either! But I am digressing again... surely!)

Maybe I should have done this over at the LETHARGIC BLOG...?
Or perhaps the Luminous Pondering would have been more well-suited...?
Lambasting... Lambasting it should have been!!!

Oh well...!

In other P.W.O. news now... (POLAR WORLD ORDER - remember? Or A.W.O. - Arctic World Order, if you prefer! I've copyrighted BOTH anyway! TM and copyright Luciano Pimentel; ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - so there!)

After solving the failed mating lesbian bears mystery, we can be reminded that it's not the first one solved and it probably won't be the last one either! Pretty much exactly a year ago, another lingering mystery had been solved; this one involving PENGUINS AND POLAR BEARS! (What's lesbianism next to THAT, eh?)

The answer: penguins spend their holidays visiting!

Never mind applying for membership in the P.W.O. - DA ONLY WAY TO GO, YO!!!
(Maybe the A.W.O. is only for polar bears, walruses and seals? Oh, and the odd Arctic critter too... While the P.W.O. can be either the POLAR or PENGUIN WORLD ORDER...! Gotcha! MUCHO better than the old "nWo Black & White" and "nWo Wolfpac" separation/segregation, I say - it simply makes a hell of a lot more sense anyways!)

Yup - another mystery truly solved INDEED!

Don`t ask a polar bear...

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