The Steel Cage Match That Has To Happen: Luminous Luciano Versus Lufisto --- No Holds Barred!!!

Une lutteuse lumineuse qui fait trembler les hommes ordinaires
(mais là, c'est elle qui a peur -
de la lumière de Luminous Luciano!)

I, Luminous Luciano, hereby challenge "Lufisto" to a match!
Not just ANY match either - but a NO DISQUALIFICATIONS
Lights Out Match!
INSIDE - yes, inside, for the only good things that can happen, happen inside, not outside!
INSIDE a fifteen foot-high STEEL CAGE that is! Where NONE can HIDE...! ;)
Add to the mix a NightLightStick stipulation - whoever gets it, uses it!
And we shall know who is fit for the Heavens above - and who is, quite simply, fit!
It will be one for the ages - indubitably! ;)
A Match not made in heaven nor in hell - but made in purgatory!
None will forget this event - for as long as they live!
For surely all in the audience, the two belligerents, they will outlive! :(

But I digress...

Come along now, "LUFISTO" -
come out of the darkness you're enmesced in and come INTO THE LIGHT!
Even learn a thing or two before you retire from the squared circle YOU JUST MIGHT!
I am, after all, a KNIGHT OF THE LIGHT...! ;)
And you cannot ever hope to match my might!
Still, I double-dare thee to accept my challenge - pronto!
You trained in the Orient, in a dojo...
I trained in an Oratory in the Occident! AND by accident! *LOL*
Oh well - better *some* training than none at all...
And if all else -including fitness, finesse and wits- fails, I can always brawl! ;)
You may have the FIST in between the LOU and the HO there...
But my alliteration cancels itself out so as to leave only CAMUS here...?!?
Philosophy will triumph over brutish behaviour!
Brains over brawn - as well it should ALWAYS be, at every hour! ;)

Shades of Andy versus Jerry on the Late Night show, you say?
COME ON - THAT was so gay!!!
And so was that black chick beating on hapless Disco Inferno
Luminous Luciano challenging Lufisto
is more akin to the epic struggle between Eros and Thanatos -
Life and Death - Good and Evil - Love and Hate!
A perennial conflict that has epic resonance and is rife with LEGENDARY ECHOES THROUGHOUT THE AGES, BABY! (Boy, oh boy, isn't that great, eh?)
Accept my challenge - and go down the same way Medusa bowed before Perseus - without thinking FOR A SECOND about Samson and Delilah - willya, "Lufisto"?
Hmm... Don't answer that! For THAT will NOT be "us"!
Just have *your people* talk to *my people*...
And then have your valets escort you to the ring -
I can easily imagine a bunch of hedonists who go "Oooooo - Lufisto!" (in the same inane way of those "Ooooooo - Alberto" commercials, yeah) as you pass them by - heading to the GUILLOTINE!

(The same valets will have to carry your carcass back the other way, after the bloody match, my dear! Woooooooooooooo! A bloodfest it shall be, AYE!)

Me - two rows of ANGELS shall pave my way to the ring
Choirs singing chants of encouragement - the greatest cheerleaders of ALL!
And it is *me* who will periodically interrupt with a "Wooooooooooooooo!"
For I am, after all, a styling and profiling type - at heart! ;)
Yeah, baby, yeah!
I really am an amalgam of André The Giant, The Nature Boy, Dutch Mantell, The Million Dollar Man, Nikita Koloff, Ole, Tully, Arn *and* Funk U...
Just allow, once again, the similar qualities to cancel each other out, all across the board - have the flaws do the same (PUH-LEEEZE) and, oh, very important: substract the gigantism as well (I am only afflicted with gigantism of the ego - yo! lol) and you have ME - Luminous Luciano! :)
That's man enough to take you down, "Lufisto" - believe you ME! ;)

I chose the type of match and the stipulations
*YOU* choose the location - and date! ;)
I'll even allow your people to choose the special guest referee!
Because, for such a momentous match as ours will be
when LIGHT shall triumph once again DECISIVELY over DARKNESS
we do need a special referee of MAGNITUDE...
May I suggest LUNA VACHON?
And I hope she brings her vampiric hubby along too...
For I want to kick his sorry derrière around as well!
But that is another story...!

Bring it on, then, "Lufisto" - I await your answer!
You defeated a man for that bogus CZW ''title'' - you actually vanquished a MAN!
But what kind of ''man'' was that - alleged ''Mr. Wrestling'' Kevin Steen?!?
Everybody knows that Kevins are WIMPS and LOSERS! They're not REAL MEN!
They act like they are; but they're not! Now I AM A REAL MAN!!!
Do I have to drag your a$$ out of Onyx's Torture Chamber?!?
You will not know the true meaning of the expression "Season's Beatings" - until you've been beaten by a real man... beaten by a True Believer, baby - like *ME*!
For there sure is a REASON for the BEATING SEASON baby - yours is just to serve as an example though, to all those pukes who DO NOT BELIEVE...!
(You didn't think that I was comparing your trouncing to Christ's Sacrifice, now - were ya?!? PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!! You are NOT worthy!)
I promise that I will not insult you either; no, I will NOT hold back...!!!
YOU will FEEL the FULL FORCE of *THIS* Missionary Man!
You so-called Missionary of Violence - I say thee NAY!
NO MORE! No more punishment-inflicting for YOU, that is! ;)
Prepare to get some now - get what you'd want only to be allowed to mercilessly mete out!
I will make sure you and your like will reap what you sow...
RIGHT THERE AND THEN - RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW! WOOOOOOOOOO!
I heard the rumors about an imminent retirement for you...
You cannot lace up the boots for good and ride off into the sunset without facing ME first, witch!
I AM YOUR ULTIMATE OPPONENT - YOUR DIAMETRICALLY-OPPOSED ANTITHESIS!
I AM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! THE LIGHT to suffocate your darkness!
The Ying to your Yang - or vice versa! ;)

ONE MORE MATCH, LUFISTO - ONE WITH LUCIANO!
One more match - that you simply CANNOT WIN!

LUMINOUS LUCIANO AND LUFISTO HAVE TO GO TOE TO TOE
FOR THE FIRST AND FINAL TIME - EVER!!!
A BATTLE TO THE FINISH - TO THE TWILIGHT OF OUR CAREERS!
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT - YOU GOTTA GO FOR IT!
LUMINOUS HAS SPOKEN!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
;-)


Sempre Por O Melhor
- Luminous Luciano!