D.C.W. (DeadCatWalking)... Dancing!!!

(After a rare victory in the squared circle...!)
(The dead really *can* dance, eh... Who knew...) (Is that even a cat, tho...?)

>

Whoo-Oh.W. Rasslin
Soundtrack
Coming Out - NEVER!
(Well... Never say never! ;)
Let's settle for
"available soon in NeverNeverLand"
in, uh, "limited release" - for now!
;)
And do not confuse the D.C.W (Dead Cat Walking)
with Oscar the Death Cat Walking... of Providence!
Pictured above... and to be spotlighted soon enough
Somewhere... On the TLB Prime Network!
;)

Wrestling Is Faker Than Fake...?

So, you think matches pitting the likes of Luminous Luciano, Lufisto, Triple B, Triple Y, Quadruple P, T.B.T. and Merino *Pi* Mantle all pitted up against each other, inside of cages laced (lest they're merely decorated) with barbed wire and such, are impossibly odd, borderline sicko and just plain weird?

Well... Think AGAIN!

Nooooo, there is nothing all that outlandish or otherworldly about me wrestling a woman, the Yeti grappling with assorted critters from myth, legend and... er, cartoons. There is nothing "odd" per say with animé differences getting settled in a squared-circle, folksies...!

And rework your thinking ASAP while you watch this considerably WEIRDER stuff:



For those of you who would prefer to witness their old super-heroes playing by the rules of the squared-circled ring circus, you can try something like this.

And if you still think all that is profoundly and incurably ridiculous - watch this and you will feel lucky you got that brand of ridiculous combat, here today, instead!

And just to think that all this came before any Monster Brawl was even discussed as a remote possibility...!

Wow.

AWOOOOOOOO! Or just WOOOOOO!

You said it, wolfie!
And if that is not enough of a statement right there - check out the *attempts* at making statements that start with the mere company's insignia and abbreviation, right here below:

See Ya At WOOFSTOCK - Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya!

If there's a place, an event, a moment in time in the world that you wanna be able to say "I was there man!" and that you will always fondly remember the sights, smells and shenanigans of (okay, mostly smells!) - IT IS WOOFSTOCK... dude!

Proud sponsor PURINA routinely dispatches top-notch entertainment to these events; acts that YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS! Acts such as..

Purina Pro Plan Dog Stars
Featuring McCann Professional Dog Trainers
Incredible Purina Pro Plan Dog Stars are ready to wow -- or bow wow -- at this year’s Woofstock.

Specially trained dogs (and one pig) will leap through hoops, race through tunnels, jump over hurdles and test their balance on teeter-totters. Competitors must take care not to dislodge obstacles -- knocking bars off jumps or topping hurdles results in penalty seconds being added to their finishing time. "The dogs get really enthused over the agility competition." says Marti McCann. "The course offers lots of variety, and most importantly, lots of fun. It's easy to see by the wagging tails which obstacles are the most popular."

And you wonder why I want all of you POOPERS to GO...?!?

Heh-heh-heh!


As BOLDBONE P.P.D. himself would say:
"if there's a place where they know about the power of the poop within thee - it's gotta be at WOOFSTOCK! WARF! I mean, WOOF!"

ELITE BDCG is here...

Heck, the whole gang is here!!!

WOOFSTOCK 

is 

ON!

Woooooooo - oops!

This is NOT typical "Whoo-Oh.W.Rasslin" action
I assure you...!

War of the Words, eh

When I saw this headline "have your own war of words with Mr. Kennedy" I actually thought for a split second that the lousy WWE had actually found THE GUTS to launch a contest for every foul-mouthed *pundit bandit* wannabee to challenge "Mistaaaaaaaah... Kennedy" and shut his yap once and for all, like I would! ;)

The reward for winning such a contest could have been a job at the writing helm of those awful WWE shows they have still polluting the airwaves after so many years... eh? But that is another story...

They do have things like that out there nowadays, though. Yes, there sure is very similar fluff with empty promises like that on the airwaves right now as we... blog? Ratings-grabbing "reality TV" like that show which promises membership in such silly girlie bands as "Girlicious" for one; and the WWe itself used to offer a one-year contract to work as a WRESTLER to the winner of their late and much-lamented show "Tough Enough" too! So what are they waiting for to have more "Green Light Project" types of things all across the wire - HUH?

Are the WRITERS GUILD's esteemed members actually worried that everyone will finally realize (especially as they strike) how replaceable they really are?!?

Actually, having said -typed really- all this, I am of the opinion that it is Vinnie Mac indeed the sole responsible party here as to why this GREAT idea for a contest (that I would win hands down - heck, hands tied behind my back, with an eye patch on, partially gagged and with both feet in a cement block!) is, ultimately, simply NOT a "go"...

Everybody should know by now that intestinal fortitude does not belong in the same sentence as "Kennedy... McMahon"!

After all, this is not a real Kennedy that we're talking about here!
And even though real Kennedys have their flaws, they are a million times better than Vinnie Mac and his cronie here...

JFK may have been womanizing on the side after each great speech...
His brother Bobby may have done the same thing, almost...
Ted may have inadvertently caused a lady's death way back then - and he may be sort of disloyal as evidenced so very recently (he did turn his back on once-best buddies the Clintons to support Barack Obama in California - didn't he?)
AND he inexplicably teamed up with Mitt Romney on the health insurance thingie in his beloved state of Massachusetts too...
But VKM is a thousand times more inconsistent and unreliable than that!
He has no guts - he only revels in his very meticulously controlled environment in which you always know "who's gonna win, who's gonna lose, and in what fashion" (as one of the earliest pro-wrestlers to ever "tell all" that I recall hearing "coming clean" actually worded it. Nowadays, of course, there's a whole chapter to add to that: about how EVERYONE loses without losing FACE and with all the oversized, humongeous EGOS totally INTACT after every single "decisive" match there is... But I'd be SERIOUSLY digressing if I'd get into THAT now!)
Suffice it so say, VINNIE MAC is in many ways nothing but a HACK.
And "Mistaaaaaaahh Kennedy" is despicable - in more ways than one too!
Ken Kennedy is NOT a "Mister Kennedy" - no way!
His true last name is not even Kennedy! (Look him up on MySpace - he is a tad more honest THERE, at least!)

Luminous Luciano, in the middle of that ring, WITH EQUAL MICROPHONE TIME, would take BOTH down DECISIVELY!

With a difference: with me, huge egos are always SORELY BRUISED!
;)


Truly, it is too bad the contest is NOT to be...
EVER, assuredly!
:(

How To Start A ""CHRISTMAS CRISIS"" - Only On P-P-V!!!

What seems like all fun and games at first
soon degenerates (x?) into a full-blown (!?) war
as the A.W.O. and D.C.G. renew
their long-standing, unsolutionable feud!

Alas, for the Dogs Chain Gang,
they have more than ONE enemy faction...! 

Be it Cartoon Goons or other "W.Os" 

(Let's see now: there's the B.W.O. and the H.W.O. 

and the K.W.O. and the #LWO - of course 

And then there's the O.O.T.W.W.O. - 

the Owner Of The World's World Order! 

And that is just a fifth of the alphabet...!)

Luckily though,
the gang is so far-reaching in its ranks
(dawgs from all over Massachusetts
-be it Lowell or Worcester-
count as full-fledged members)
that they carry on multiple
SIMULTANEOUS feuds
like this - indefinitely!

Expect to see many matches then
involving D.C.G. members
opposite a plethora of other cliques! 

TOMORROW -
LIVE AND ONLY ON P.P.V.
Available NOWHERE YET...!

;)

All Characters Names And Concepts
TM & Copyright ©2008 And Beyond
LUCIANO A. PIMENTEL

"WHAT RRRRRRRASSLIN' ACTION, FFFFOLKS!"

The Steel Cage Match That Has To Happen: Luminous Luciano Versus Lufisto --- No Holds Barred!!!

Une lutteuse lumineuse qui fait trembler les hommes ordinaires
(mais là, c'est elle qui a peur -
de la lumière de Luminous Luciano!)

I, Luminous Luciano, hereby challenge "Lufisto" to a match!
Not just ANY match either - but a NO DISQUALIFICATIONS
Lights Out Match!
INSIDE - yes, inside, for the only good things that can happen, happen inside, not outside!
INSIDE a fifteen foot-high STEEL CAGE that is! Where NONE can HIDE...! ;)
Add to the mix a NightLightStick stipulation - whoever gets it, uses it!
And we shall know who is fit for the Heavens above - and who is, quite simply, fit!
It will be one for the ages - indubitably! ;)
A Match not made in heaven nor in hell - but made in purgatory!
None will forget this event - for as long as they live!
For surely all in the audience, the two belligerents, they will outlive! :(

But I digress...

Come along now, "LUFISTO" -
come out of the darkness you're enmesced in and come INTO THE LIGHT!
Even learn a thing or two before you retire from the squared circle YOU JUST MIGHT!
I am, after all, a KNIGHT OF THE LIGHT...! ;)
And you cannot ever hope to match my might!
Still, I double-dare thee to accept my challenge - pronto!
You trained in the Orient, in a dojo...
I trained in an Oratory in the Occident! AND by accident! *LOL*
Oh well - better *some* training than none at all...
And if all else -including fitness, finesse and wits- fails, I can always brawl! ;)
You may have the FIST in between the LOU and the HO there...
But my alliteration cancels itself out so as to leave only CAMUS here...?!?
Philosophy will triumph over brutish behaviour!
Brains over brawn - as well it should ALWAYS be, at every hour! ;)

Shades of Andy versus Jerry on the Late Night show, you say?
COME ON - THAT was so gay!!!
And so was that black chick beating on hapless Disco Inferno
Luminous Luciano challenging Lufisto
is more akin to the epic struggle between Eros and Thanatos -
Life and Death - Good and Evil - Love and Hate!
A perennial conflict that has epic resonance and is rife with LEGENDARY ECHOES THROUGHOUT THE AGES, BABY! (Boy, oh boy, isn't that great, eh?)
Accept my challenge - and go down the same way Medusa bowed before Perseus - without thinking FOR A SECOND about Samson and Delilah - willya, "Lufisto"?
Hmm... Don't answer that! For THAT will NOT be "us"!
Just have *your people* talk to *my people*...
And then have your valets escort you to the ring -
I can easily imagine a bunch of hedonists who go "Oooooo - Lufisto!" (in the same inane way of those "Ooooooo - Alberto" commercials, yeah) as you pass them by - heading to the GUILLOTINE!

(The same valets will have to carry your carcass back the other way, after the bloody match, my dear! Woooooooooooooo! A bloodfest it shall be, AYE!)

Me - two rows of ANGELS shall pave my way to the ring
Choirs singing chants of encouragement - the greatest cheerleaders of ALL!
And it is *me* who will periodically interrupt with a "Wooooooooooooooo!"
For I am, after all, a styling and profiling type - at heart! ;)
Yeah, baby, yeah!
I really am an amalgam of André The Giant, The Nature Boy, Dutch Mantell, The Million Dollar Man, Nikita Koloff, Ole, Tully, Arn *and* Funk U...
Just allow, once again, the similar qualities to cancel each other out, all across the board - have the flaws do the same (PUH-LEEEZE) and, oh, very important: substract the gigantism as well (I am only afflicted with gigantism of the ego - yo! lol) and you have ME - Luminous Luciano! :)
That's man enough to take you down, "Lufisto" - believe you ME! ;)

I chose the type of match and the stipulations
*YOU* choose the location - and date! ;)
I'll even allow your people to choose the special guest referee!
Because, for such a momentous match as ours will be
when LIGHT shall triumph once again DECISIVELY over DARKNESS
we do need a special referee of MAGNITUDE...
May I suggest LUNA VACHON?
And I hope she brings her vampiric hubby along too...
For I want to kick his sorry derrière around as well!
But that is another story...!

Bring it on, then, "Lufisto" - I await your answer!
You defeated a man for that bogus CZW ''title'' - you actually vanquished a MAN!
But what kind of ''man'' was that - alleged ''Mr. Wrestling'' Kevin Steen?!?
Everybody knows that Kevins are WIMPS and LOSERS! They're not REAL MEN!
They act like they are; but they're not! Now I AM A REAL MAN!!!
Do I have to drag your a$$ out of Onyx's Torture Chamber?!?
You will not know the true meaning of the expression "Season's Beatings" - until you've been beaten by a real man... beaten by a True Believer, baby - like *ME*!
For there sure is a REASON for the BEATING SEASON baby - yours is just to serve as an example though, to all those pukes who DO NOT BELIEVE...!
(You didn't think that I was comparing your trouncing to Christ's Sacrifice, now - were ya?!? PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!! You are NOT worthy!)
I promise that I will not insult you either; no, I will NOT hold back...!!!
YOU will FEEL the FULL FORCE of *THIS* Missionary Man!
You so-called Missionary of Violence - I say thee NAY!
NO MORE! No more punishment-inflicting for YOU, that is! ;)
Prepare to get some now - get what you'd want only to be allowed to mercilessly mete out!
I will make sure you and your like will reap what you sow...
RIGHT THERE AND THEN - RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW! WOOOOOOOOOO!
I heard the rumors about an imminent retirement for you...
You cannot lace up the boots for good and ride off into the sunset without facing ME first, witch!
I AM YOUR ULTIMATE OPPONENT - YOUR DIAMETRICALLY-OPPOSED ANTITHESIS!
I AM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! THE LIGHT to suffocate your darkness!
The Ying to your Yang - or vice versa! ;)

ONE MORE MATCH, LUFISTO - ONE WITH LUCIANO!
One more match - that you simply CANNOT WIN!

LUMINOUS LUCIANO AND LUFISTO HAVE TO GO TOE TO TOE
FOR THE FIRST AND FINAL TIME - EVER!!!
A BATTLE TO THE FINISH - TO THE TWILIGHT OF OUR CAREERS!
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT - YOU GOTTA GO FOR IT!
LUMINOUS HAS SPOKEN!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
;-)


Sempre Por O Melhor
- Luminous Luciano!

Halloween - with Team Halloween aka The Literary Society™!

Happy Halloween!

From the Literary Society™...!
© 2007 Luminous Luciano Pimentel
~ All Rights Reserved
(Front row, from left to right:
Underwriter™, Literati Leprechaun™,
Ghostwriter™, Literati Nosferatu™,
Literati Frankfurter™.
In the back - the two paler ones:
Ghostly Groupie™ and Literati Goosebumper™)

Literati Nosferatu™ (left)
The Underwriter™ (center)
and The Ghostwriter™ (right)
seem pretty happy with themselves
after the recent results
of their feuds with
such opponents as
The Cyberkillahs™
and
The Abominables™

Literati Frankfurter™'s match with The CKM
(The Canine Killing Machine™)
- which featured special guest-referee
Merino "Pi" Mantell™ -
didn't go so well though...
The consensus in the wondrous world of
WHOO-OH.W.RASSLIN'™
is that the literary world is a monstruous one
- one that begat a whole lot of monstruosities
such as that Frankfurter prick
and that swindler of an underwriter -
thus, the whole bunch of them sure can
represent the company on
All-Hallows' Eve!
They're even creepier than The Abominables™
when one really thinks about it...
Literati Nosferatu™ alone
and all by himself
makes your skin crawl
with his double existence as a
literary agent *and* bloodsucker
(verily, compatible careers)
COLLECTIVELY, the Literary Society™
(with ALL its members - for the 6 here
are only the tip of the iceberg...)
is one frightening force
of complacency and snobbism!

They'll sneer at you joyfully -
while they shove their books down your throats!

They'll mock and ridicule the masses
while they bank on them to subsidize their schemes!

Truly villains you'll not only love to hate
but that you'll relish loathing - week after week!

However, as the DOGS CHAIN GANG™
members often say, these haughty atrocities
with questionable penmanship
are barking up the wrong tree
and writhing in pain on two bad legs
- on borrowed time!
CKM™ usually adds to that:
"Frankfurter - you're no dog!"
To which Tommy The Terror™ adds:
"I'M a dog! And as a dog, I BITE!
And I never read a book
IN MY LIFE - and I never will!
STILL - I'M the one that's gonna
throw the book AT YOU -
Literati Nosferatu™!
Your pale bookwormish a$$
is MINE!
And none of your pencil-necked
geeky cronies
are gonna save you
NEXT TIME
from The Terror!!!"

Hmm...
Who's "Team Halloween"
again?

All Characters Names And Concepts
TM & Copyright ©2008 And Beyond
LUCIANO A. PIMENTEL

There was WCW Fall Brawl... WWE, uh, Autumn Apathy (?!?) and now... Whoo-Oh.W. Rasslin...

GET READY TO FALL... IN THE FALL!

An Unforgettable P.P.V. event -
Unwatchable, Unbelievable
and certainly Unbearable!

In the main event, a 15' foot-high STEEL CAGE
"BRAWL FOR NOT MUCH AT ALL"
free-for-all match
opposing
the low-class, uneducated, unsophisticated,
unmitigated abysmal contingent of brutes
- the all-around unworthy CARTOON GOONS -
to the high-browed pride
that makes up the intolerable, undefeatable,
unbeatable and all-around unmatchable
LITERARY SOCIETY !
(Accompanied by pet Thesaurus Rex!)



In other matches:

We shall see

THE UNBEARABLE ONE
match brawn and maliciousness with
THE ABOMINABLE ONE !


THE DOGS CHAIN GANG
wage war upon perennial rivals
THE BRUINS POSSE,
THE CATS CLUB,
THE DREARY CARNIVAL
(aka TEAM PANDA)
(Yeah, this may be their final match with us
as they always say that they are
"headed for the WWF...!")
AND
THE WEIRD BEARS
(led by The Maudlin Mauler)
in a spectacular
(we hope)
no-holds-barred
BARNYARD BRAWL!!!

Plus:
Kitty-Kat Kal
takes on
Itty-Bitty Paulie Possum
in a Featherweight Division
Hardcore Match!
With special guest-referee
Birdie Birdie
Brightie Birdie!

AND
we promise to finally reveal
who gave birth to, who comprises
and exactly how many mutts there are
(in) the illegitimate litter
sired by TRIPLE B
our resident legendary grappler
and 99-time world champion
(!!!)

CALL YOUR PESKY
PAY-PER-VIEW PROVIDER
AND ORDER NOW!

---------------------------
Ha-ha-ha...
And all this inspired by Yahoo's "Fall Frenzy" thingie, really...
WOW - sometimes, I amaze myself! ;)
Now, you better have a sense of humor about it too, Yahoo!
ALL CHARACTER NAMES AND DESCRIPTIONS ARE
TM AND ©2007 LUCIANO A. PIMENTEL
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!
WHOOOOOOOO!!!
;)

A typical WHOO-OH W. rasssslin P.P.V. line-up...

COUCH POTATOES, RASSLIN FANS AND OTHER ASSORTED TROGLODYTES OUT THERE - BOY HAVE WE GOT THE PAY-PER-VIEW HERE FOR YOU TO THROW YOUR HARDLY-EARNED CASH AT!!! WITH LIVE PERFORMANCES... IF YOU PAY ENOUGH FOR THEM!

CALL AND ORDER NOW!!!

FOR IT'S TIME - IT'S TIME - IT'S "SUFFER IN THE SUMMER" TIME!!!

LOOK AT THE AWESOME LINE-UP OF STUPORSTARS AND MISBEGOTTEN MIS-MATCHES THAT WE'VE ASSEMBLED FOR YOU ON THIS STUPENDOUS CARD - YOU WILL NOT WANT TO MISS A SINGLE SECOND OF THIS ONE, FOLKS!


Mid-card match-ups...
KAFKAT - The Ghoulish Kreepy Kat
versus
Maniac Meerkat!
P.B.P. (aka Ephrem,
The "Pretty Big Panda" of the Dreary Carnival's Team Panda!
accompanied by manager Ernest...!)
versus
Ghostwriter
(accompanied by The Literary Society's very own publishing mogul and creative force - Literati Nosferatu!)

Cocoricocock
versus
Muff The Battling Beaver

The Zombie Swamp Bear
versus
Bully Da Bull

The Thumping Tapir
versus
Chinchilla Chupacabra!

Battle Bichon
versus
The Catwalker!

Burly Bruin
versus
Squirrel 'Oh-So-Nutso' Squirrel
(S.O.S.)

AND OUR MAIN EVENT...
Triple "Y"
versus
Triple "B"
FOR THE "SUPREME EXTREME SUBLIME CHAMPIONSHIP" - !!!
Special guest-referee for this match:
The Unmasked - Unleashed - Unbeatable UNDERWRITER!
(Triple "U" - in the adjective department anyway!?)
(How abject it all is - I know, I know...!)


Take photos with your favorite rrrrrrassler after the event!

And if you didn't appreciate some calls made during the gory gala,
blame it all on our guest referee for the evening - The Count!
Take it all out on him - beat the stuffing outta The Count - he can take it and, besides, it doesn't even count...!
An average of 5.1 run-ins is GUARANTEED
for just about EVERY SINGLE MATCH
on any card ever put together by
WHOO-OHHHHH W. RASSLIN ACTION!
Yes, folks - you'll never be bored with us! Ditch the competition - we've got more animation! ;)
See? We've thought of everything here - and provided you with it all, even with a ready-to-hang scapegoat - if we couldn't exactly provide you with "the very best in sports entertainment" right here and now, at the drop of a pencil-necked geek, folksies...!
Stake available for the first 1000 customers who order the pay-per-view event - go get that nasty no-good blind-as-a-bat referee after the gala is all over and done with!
We will not mind one bit! ;)
CALL NOW - 1-800-THROWYOURCASHAWAY-GIVEITTORASSLERS!

Pictures here are merely indicative of the final product and remain the sole property of their respective owners.
No resemblance, pellucid or obfuscated, with any living being on the planet is intended here - in any way, shape or form!
Anyone tempted to sue should strive harder to find his sense of humor!

The preceding characters are all TM and Copyright - Luminous Luciano Properties!
Copyright 1999-2007 and Beyond - Luciano Pimentel
The images used to illustrate them are the property of their respective owners - who surely have a good sense of humor...
I hope! *lol*

More rasslin backstage chatting...

Copyright ©2007 LUCIANO A. PIMENTEL


Well, I figured that since the ostentatious DAIRY QUEEN has given her blessing to a campaign that has her jack-of-spades and jack-of-hearts clamoring that they are "ready to be scooped up" while begging the ice (s)cream gal to please "fill (their) waffle bowl with love" (!) - so could I, King of the loquacious style of humor in these parts, indulge this form of humor with my "RASSLERS" here...! (But, for the record, I renounce any claim whatsoever for the capture of the crown of cheesy!)

A typical discussion backstage at my FAVORITE WRESTLING FEDERATION... (F.W.F. - ?!?)

Copyright ©2007 LUCIANO A. PIMENTEL


Be careful what you wish for...
That would be the morale behind
this vignette right here!

Whoo-Oh Rasslin` - COMING SOON!

...WITH STUPOR-STARS LIKE THIS:

WE CAN`T COMPETE!!!

UH... 

I MEAN... WE CANNOT FAIL!

YEAH! 

SURE...