we do the talking - you figure out if we're making a social commentary or really cutting a PROMO for character-concepts we hold dear!
99.9% of the time - it is the latter!
contact me for a licensing deal ;)
Prepare to meet your FATE: Lufisto, LaBimbo, Satanas, GourgenDuhGeek, Karthik The Freak and all the other creeps that are pains in my life thorns in my side - and (imp)purecrap. YOU ARE GOING DOWWWWWWN! Luminous Luciano Has Spoken! *** :) ***
(After a rare victory in the squared circle...!) (The dead really *can* dance, eh... Who knew...)
(Is that even a cat, tho...?)
>
Whoo-Oh.W. Rasslin Soundtrack Coming Out - NEVER! (Well... Never say never! ;)
Let's settle for "available soon in NeverNeverLand" in, uh, "limited release" - for now! ;) And do not confuse the D.C.W (Dead Cat Walking) with Oscar the Death Cat Walking... of Providence! Pictured above... and to be spotlighted soon enough Somewhere... On the TLB Prime Network! ;)
You can rely on Seether - or stick to Seether! *lol*
But this tune sure fits the bill, on two fronts:
as either a theme song for a P-P-V
(or "pay-per-glance" as the running joke goes)
of our own Whoo-Oh.W. brand
AND it could serve as ongoing theme
for every typical, archetypical, archaic
or plain stereotypical
"rasslin" fan
who gets pestered on and on about it
by the girlfriend...!
You know the type -
they'd be perfectly cast as
ice queens on any soap opera,
witches with a b on any sitcom,
so-called divas on the WWE
knockouts over at TNA
or our very own Grrrrrrls (TM) in the Whoo-Oh.W!
*LMBO*
AND they're soon going to be single
and sing about it - this way:
Sapphic Chic finally meets an ignominous debacle it can't ignore...
And no, I am not talking about the alleged "debacle" Nicole Kidman suffered at David Letterman's Late Show the other night, while ATTEMPTING to promote her movie "Australia" on the heels of the announcement that she will be NEXT portraying the unheard-of plum part of a TRANSGENDERED "woman" married to an anatomically-correct woman portrayed by CHARLIZE THERON...! Wow - Charlize and Nicole; a match made... where, exactly? On a casting couch...
It is duly noted by ALL that both actresses have won OSCARS for their portrayal of lesbian-inclined dames already; Nicole in THE HOURS (for her turn as the tormented scribe Virginia Woolf who appeared to be smitten with a lady relative; it happened to Nelligan, too, only *he* was a *boy* - duh) and Charlize won for her part in MONSTER (the appropriately-titled biopic of the sordid events in the life of an even more tormented, wacko serial killer that I shall not name - see the film if you want, I wash my hands of that monstruosity; I am not sure Christina Ricci can) and so, therefore, that reuniting them as a COUPLE now is sort of a sapphic voyeur's secret fantasy come true...!
However, no, really now, I am NOT talking about ANY of that here...!
Nor am I about to embark on a loooooong diatribe in which I'll alternatively denounce and lament the tiredness surrounding the whole "lesbian chic mystique" - since EVERYBODY is doing it, even Lindsay Lohan is allegedly involved in a lesbian relationship, Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana is seen kissing girls in mock fashion - or are they real kisses? Keep teasing us all, Miley! Billy doesn't mind; as long as you keep on having more success than he ever did - it consoles his achy breaky heart, I'm sure! Madge aka Esther aka Louisa Ciccone aka Mad-Onna (my preferred name for her!) will even seek out solace from her very own achy breaky situation (DIVORCE) with furtive liplocks with female fans randomly chosen! 1001 female models keep on posing as fake dykes on every catwalk there is; virtually EVERY television show DESPERATE for a ratings-booster has given it a go and all the newest tarts in the music industry, à-la-Katy Perry, keep on kissing girls too (and in Kate's case in particular but in many other cases too, in doing so, they're "Hot'n'Cold" at the same time as a result? Katy is smarter than the norm, after all. But that is another story...!)
Face it, folks - it has lost its newness, its aura of "shock" much less "excitement" of any kind and we're definitely past the point of LESBIAN SATURATION now! It is a dying trend that has run out of gas and left most everyone BLASÉ about it, finally!
Gals, face it - you'll have to kiss a horse's ass now in order to get REAL MEDIATIC ATTENTION these days...! (Maybe the Democratic Ass will do...)
Note, bimbos and assorted dumb blondes, that I mean that simply figuratively and RHETORICALLY; don't go out actively trying to start this new trend on unsuspecting farm animals and at every ranch you know of, now...! (You gotta tell them; because, well, you never know...! These creatures are gullible and highly ``influenceable`` if you know what I`m screaming here - and I do mean the gals, not the farm animals! Plus this sort of new fad might spike up them barnyard brawls y`know, the phenomenon we spoke of here before - gotta be careful with what fires we stoke here...!)
BUT ENOUGH OF ALL THIS NOW, DAMMIT - THAT WAS NOT MY POINT NOR INTENT COMING HERE TODAY to finally update my venerable (and very funny, if I say so myself!) Loquacious Blog...!
I merely wanted to point out the surefire sign of the death of lesbian chic - after the debacle suffered at the ZOO! In Tokyo today, among other hair-raising news, we learned that zoo keepers made a boo-boo! In trying to have two polar bears mate, all they succeeded in doing was successfully create the first lesbian ursine couple! For, upon closer inspection, they noticed that BOTH bears were female indeed! No wonder they failed to conceive...! Ahh - don't you just love NATURE teaching the eggheads THE BASICS all over again... hmm?
It is a crying shame too because the rumor is the Japanese crew had truly done a bang-up job in creating just the right romantic atmosphere for the bears, who took to mating rituals like, uh, penguins to ice water! Too bad the results weren't there in the end, eh?
(If I didnt know any better, I'd say that the polar bears took the example of the Japanese population at large, who are all encouraged NOT to reproduce at all, since they already have a huge overpopulation problem over there that comes with smog sold separately! Lesbian and gay coupling is not only hoped for in Tokyo - it is strongly suggested to the citizens as THE solution to the problem, on a short-term basis at least..! Short-term here means a few DECADES, I guess... Hey, Asian atheists see not an end of the world looming on the horizon - ever! No matter how bad the smog is - and how poor (or next to NIL) the visibility is either! But I am digressing again... surely!)
Hmm...
Maybe I should have done this over at the LETHARGIC BLOG...?
Or perhaps the Luminous Pondering would have been more well-suited...?
Lambasting... Lambasting it should have been!!!
Oh well...!
In other P.W.O. news now... (POLAR WORLD ORDER - remember? Or A.W.O. - Arctic World Order, if you prefer! I've copyrighted BOTH anyway! TM and copyright Luciano Pimentel; ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - so there!)
After solving the failed mating lesbian bears mystery, we can be reminded that it's not the first one solved and it probably won't be the last one either! Pretty much exactly a year ago, another lingering mystery had been solved; this one involving PENGUINS AND POLAR BEARS! (What's lesbianism next to THAT, eh?)
Never mind applying for membership in the P.W.O. - DA ONLY WAY TO GO, YO!!!
(Maybe the A.W.O. is only for polar bears, walruses and seals? Oh, and the odd Arctic critter too... While the P.W.O. can be either the POLAR or PENGUIN WORLD ORDER...! Gotcha! MUCHO better than the old "nWo Black & White" and "nWo Wolfpac" separation/segregation, I say - it simply makes a hell of a lot more sense anyways!)
If there's a place, an event, a moment in time in the world that you wanna be able to say "I was there man!" and that you will always fondly remember the sights, smells and shenanigans of (okay, mostly smells!) - IT IS WOOFSTOCK... dude!
Proud sponsor PURINA routinely dispatches top-notch entertainment to these events; acts that YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS! Acts such as..
Purina Pro Plan Dog Stars Featuring McCann Professional Dog Trainers
Incredible Purina Pro Plan Dog Stars are ready to wow -- or bow wow -- at this year’s Woofstock.
Specially trained dogs (and one pig) will leap through hoops, race through tunnels, jump over hurdles and test their balance on teeter-totters. Competitors must take care not to dislodge obstacles -- knocking bars off jumps or topping hurdles results in penalty seconds being added to their finishing time. "The dogs get really enthused over the agility competition." says Marti McCann. "The course offers lots of variety, and most importantly, lots of fun. It's easy to see by the wagging tails which obstacles are the most popular."
And you wonder why I want all of you POOPERS to GO...?!?
Heh-heh-heh!
As BOLDBONE P.P.D. himself would say: "if there's a place where they know about the power of the poop within thee - it's gotta be at WOOFSTOCK! WARF! I mean, WOOF!"
I never cared much for Scooby-Doo-Doo-Bee-Doo - most probably because his genesis came from ol' blue eyes' song and spontaneous improvised hummed melody...!
I'd take the stoic and taciturn Snoopy a thousand times a day over Scooby Doo - but even the Peanuts' stalwart is not quite my cup-of-tea as far as gutsy canine characters go... Don't give me any Lassie, Benji, Hambone, RinTinTin or Frankenweenie either! Even Spuds McKenzie never did it for me - the fact is, they're all way too mundane for my taste, all these poopers... (Therefore, there never was, not even the slightest chance, that I might buy beer thanks to Spuds - never! But I am digressing here...)
And, of course, Odie is pathetic!
Even the likes of Muttley (of Dastardly & Muttley fame...?) and Dyno-Mutt failed to fully capture my imagination - and since we're on the subject of Hanna-Barbera doggies, don't even get me started on Auggie Doggie and his daddy or the spineless sidekick to Touché The Turtle...! Strangely, these only evoke painful memories of Droopy Dog - and that is even worse than Odie! Truly, only GOOFY could be worse! (I did say Goofy and not Pluto - okay? Leave Pluto alone! *lol*)
The all-canine version of the Three Musketeers -seen above- were promising - for all of ten seconds, that is! Which was a hundred times more disappointing for little luminous me, age 10 or so, as I can recall... And speaking of a hundred, 101 Dalmatians, toony or live action, will always SUCK! Next best thing to do is have a remake that amalgamates 101 Dalmatians with 300 Spartans - if you get my drift! Hopefully lots of felines will die too, of course. But I am digressing again...!
Verily, with all these poor turn-outs, there was but one thing to do: create my own brand of awesome man's best friends!
Literati Nosferatu™ (left) The Underwriter™ (center) and The Ghostwriter™ (right) seem pretty happy with themselves after the recent results of their feuds with such opponents as The Cyberkillahs™ and The Abominables™
Literati Frankfurter™'s match with The CKM (The Canine Killing Machine™) - which featured special guest-referee Merino "Pi" Mantell™ - didn't go so well though... The consensus in the wondrous world of WHOO-OH.W.RASSLIN'™ is that the literary world is a monstruous one - one that begat a whole lot of monstruosities such as that Frankfurter prick and that swindler of an underwriter - thus, the whole bunch of them sure can represent the company on All-Hallows' Eve! They're even creepier than The Abominables™ when one really thinks about it... Literati Nosferatu™ alone and all by himself makes your skin crawl with his double existence as a literary agent *and* bloodsucker (verily, compatible careers) COLLECTIVELY, the Literary Society™ (with ALL its members - for the 6 here are only the tip of the iceberg...) is one frightening force of complacency and snobbism!
They'll sneer at you joyfully - while they shove their books down your throats!
They'll mock and ridicule the masses while they bank on them to subsidize their schemes!
Truly villains you'll not only love to hate but that you'll relish loathing - week after week!
However, as the DOGS CHAIN GANG™ members often say, these haughty atrocities with questionable penmanship are barking up the wrong tree and writhing in pain on two bad legs - on borrowed time! CKM™ usually adds to that: "Frankfurter - you're no dog!" To which Tommy The Terror™ adds: "I'M a dog! And as a dog, I BITE! And I never read a book IN MY LIFE - and I never will! STILL - I'M the one that's gonna throw the book AT YOU - Literati Nosferatu™! Your pale bookwormish a$$ is MINE! And none of your pencil-necked geeky cronies are gonna save you NEXT TIME from The Terror!!!"
TRIPLE "Y" "I AM THE ABOMINABLE ONE! I am the most abominable one there is; the most abominable one there ever was and the most abominable one there ever will be! I am ABSOLUTELY ABOMINABLE - from the top of my head to the tips of my toes! IT'S TRUE! IT'S REALLY TRUE! YEAH! I AM THE YETI! And I am the DE FACTO leader of the Abominables - fatso! Abominables are forever - and so is THE ABOMINABLE ONE! Being abominable and staying abominable are two different things - but it is all the same to me! You know why? 'CAUSE I AM THE YETI! Because I am Triple "Y" - Yeti Yacko Yowie! THE ONE AND ONLY YETI!!! I AM... THE ABOMINABLE ONE! Once and future Supreme Extreme Sublime Champion Rightful Monarch of the Mat Eventual World Tag-Team Champion - with any partner that I so choose from my stable of fellow Abominables - and, speaking of which, I AM THE De facto leader of The Abominables! They who are more powerful than the Invincibles - more insidious than the Invisibles - more unpredictable than the Respectables - and better than all of them COMBINED!!! AND MONSTERS INC HAVE NOTHING ON ME!!! I AM THE YETIiiiiiiiiiiii...!!! My cousins, Bigfoot in the mid-west, the Sasquatch-e-Wan up north, WHENDIDHEGO, sometimes called WHEREDUDHEGO, further north... and Skunk-Ape, down in Florida, could tell you ALL about it!!! Learn to live with it - accept it and put up with ALL of it - cause... The Abominables are the-best-thing-going TODAY! YEAH!!! NOTHING ELSE LIKE IT, BABY! It's not merely UNBEARABLE... It's not simply DESPICABLE... It is ALL-AROUND ABOMINABLE!!! And I know aaaaaaaaaall about that, folks - you know why? BECAUSE I AM THE YETIiiiiiiiiiii...!!! Whatchu gonna do when the abominable one goes abominable in the wild wild woods, while the trees are all falling by the wayside in the dark forests, in the middle of the night, HUH? YOU are gonna shake with your bad legs in your booties with which you walk around on borrowed time - that's what you're gonna do! Because I AM THE ABOMINABLE ONE! And remember now: BEING abominable and STAYING abominable are two VERY different things! And only I, TRIPLE Y, have mastered this fine art - remaining abominable aaaaaaall these years and LOVING IT - ABOMINABLY! Holler if you hear me, my ABOMINABLEMANIACS!!! ABOMINABLEMANIA is the main attraction! ABOMINABLEMANIA IS THE MAIN EVENT! ABOMINABLEMANIA will never die!!! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" (Says ye, ya hairy white ape...!) Onwards to other redundant "rasslers" now...
Ultimato
BERSERKO & ULTIMATO - the REAL World Tag Team Champions; membeArs of the BSOB POSSE - made up exclusively of gruffy, hard-as-nails, gritty and cagey bruin bears! They vow to end their most bitter foe's career - ASAP! "We are the REAL WORLD TAG-TEAM CHAMPS There is nobody better than US! And Cyberkillers - Literary Society - Dreary Carnival ANYBODY - we'll crush ya all! But we'll make an example out of TRIPLE Y - FIRST! WE'RE GOING TO END "ABOMINABLEMANIA" FOR GOOD!!! No more such abominations - NO MORE!!! I'm going BERSERKO on your a$$, Triple Y! And ULTIMATO is the ULTIMATE SOLUTION for YOU! You and your bunch of abominable misbegotten abominations! "ABOMINABLEMANIA" IS GOING TO DIE! And it will die this Sunday on BARNYARD BRAWL LCVXXXI...!!! It's not going to be in a triple-tier cage match - it's not going to be in a tables-ladder-kitchen sink match it's not going to be in a barbed-wire-bat/high hockey stick/steel bar/rusted shovel match! IT IS GOING TO BE IN AN "ANYTHING GOES MATCH" - BERSERKO STYLE!!! We'll pile up a bunch of mattresses with all sorts of cheap furniture around - and wrestle on top of all that! You WILL feel it when you fall off the top, Triple Y - it will be a 20-feet high deadly dive FOR YOU! Yeah - WE'RE BRINGING A HELL OF A LOT OF MATTRESSES! AND PILLOWS TOO! Oh - and many complete bedroom sets!!! AND WE'RE CRUSHING IT ALL ON TOP OF YOU, ABOMINABLE ONE! And then we'll make a bonfire of all atrocities - WITH YOU!!! IT'S OVER FOR YOU ABOMINABLE ONE! And bring with ya your heathen ABOMINA-BULL too - we'll make burgers out of HIM! BERSERKO & ULTIMATO STYLE!!!"
Berserko - with a headlock on T.P.P.P. - !
Below: one of the CyberKillahs heading out into town after another easy night trashing anthropomorphs in the squared circle...
CYBERKILLAHS "B" & "Z" generate some cyber-buzz with their new ring entrance song, (sung by themselves and all, yes...) "CONFORM"! (sung to the tune of a song by Apollo Four Forty...) (Aye, rumor has it that they have the powers-that-be in their back pocket and are heretofore, for all intents and purposes, in control of their careers and of the direction the entire company will take... Expect their World Tag-Team Championship Title Reign to be "Neverending"...! Thus - we have NO CHOICE but to CONFORM...!) "CONFORM TO CASTIGATION CONFORM TO HUMILIATION CONFORM TO A LOSING STREAK TOO CONFORM - CONFORM! AND TAKE A DIVE NOW!" (They take a brief pause from their singing to beat up some perennial opponents and passers-by alike... And then they resume their monotonous -if not monosyllabic- singing...) "CONFORM TO REGULATION - CONFORM TO ALL RESTRICTIONS CONFORM TO EVERY LITTLE DEMAND WE FORMULATE CONFORM! CONFORM!!! AND GET BEAT UP NOW!" (Another violent pause... As fate would have it, just coincidentally, MORE innocent bystanders happen to be passing by just at that precise moment - and they take it on the chin. And forehead. And mid-section. And pretty much everywhere else too!) "CONFORM TO OUR LITIGATION CONFORM TO OUR EMANCIPATION CONFORM TO THE ROBOTIC TWO CONFORM - CONFORM!!! CYBER --- KILL --- NOW!" (And as they head to the ring, through the stands, onto the streets, into people's living rooms -through live Pay-Per-View feeds- and beat up EVERYONE IN THEIR SIGHT... The backtrack gets repeated endlessly: "CONFORM - CONFORM - CONFORM - CONFORM - CONFORM - CONFORM - CONFORM - CONFORM - CONFORM - CONFORM......" That is, until the CyberKillahs' BATTERIES RUN OUT AND DIE!!! That is the running gag here: the only WAY to beat this pair, is by wearing them out for so long that the batteries run very low - they will then simply collapse and you can safely pin them for the one-two-three, finally...! Of course, it is tricky getting to that point without getting the mother of all trouncings in the meantime...! The CyberKillahs - a threefold homage to the 1960s Cybernauts who confronted the REAL Avengers -Emma Peel & John Steed- but also a nod to both the old WWF's Demolition and the NWA's Road Warriors. And maybe a little Goldorak and Robot B-9 thrown in there as well, just for good measure...! But, NO - no "Citizen Pain" in there - ever. He's just a lookalike of theirs...)
Perhaps the only ones creepier than the CyberKillahs in the entire wrestling promotion here, are the strange beings that comprise the ever-changing YIKESINVADERS faction... Here we see the arrival of team leader ERMITT THE MISFIT with one-time valet SYZYGIE CHERIE and the diminutive (he's grown A LOT since) EERSUTE THE UNFIT! And here is what they had to say back then...
"Prepare to be PROBED - Earthlings! You are hereby INVADED - for WE are TAKING OVER! You will be FILED, INDEXED AND SUBJUGATED; ATOMIZED AND ANALYZED; REFORMATTED AND PROBED AGAIN! AND AGAIN - AND AGAIN! And if you protest - you will be ANNIHILATED! You have been duly warned, notified and alerted! HAVE A GOOD DAY... WEAKLINGS!" NEXT...
G.P.P. - aka Ernest - aka Psycho Panda! "There is no one better than Ernest; repeat that in earnest! I am the Gigantic Psychotic Panda - the most fearsome beast from China! No dragon, no dralion, no liger, no 'eratigator' and no mere quacker comes even CLOSE to ME - - - G......P.......P.......!!! I am Ernest and I am the BEST! And I will lay waste to aaaaaaaall the rest!!! Because ONE PANDA is BETTER than TWO of ANYBODY ELSE! There is no critter, no toon and no goon that can *EVER* defeat me! PSYCHO PANDA has spoken! And PSYCHO PANDA lays WASTE to the world! ALL OF IT - except bamboo plantations! And SOON - sooner than you think - I will take off with ALL the championships for the far greener pastures of the WWF - where big pandas prevail - 4EVER!"
Pas fou, l'panda psychotique... And now for a totally different philosophy of life...
His tag-team partner (the one who makes up the difference in the total combined weight ''in excess of one ton'' that their tag-team is told be weighing in as whenever they do enter the ring), Ephrem aka P.B.P. (Pretty Big Panda - although some call him just ''Pathetic'' - to go with ''Psychotic'', see?) has, for his part, an entirely different take on it all... (DUH)
''P...B...P... I'M the once and future Supreme Extreme Sublime Champiiiiiooonnn!! And I am one half of the World Tag-Team Champions right now! Ouiiiiiiiiii! But once I've regained my Supreme Extreme Sublime championship title belt, I will leave these bush leagues and join the BIG LEAGUES - YEAH! THE PRETTY BIG LEAGUES - where the Pretty Big Panda belongs!!! That's right folks - I am rocketing out of here sooner than later to sign up where the BIG PANDAS PLAY - PREVAIL - AND PERSUADE!!! I am joining the... WWF! YES! Where pandas with attitude proliferate - permanently! Ouiiiiiiii! I'll tour the BIG PLACES - Brussels, Geneva, Paris! No more of these downtrodden petty spots like Buffalo! NO MORE! My... uh... Amarantine (?) beckons me - in the W...W...F! P...B...P... and the WWF - a marriage made in Nirvana! Ouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii*...'' (* = pronounced ''wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeee'')
Also from Team Panda and the Dreary Carnival are the cruiserweight championship-prone tag-team of "T.P.P.P." (Tiny Petty Psychic Panda) aka Errol and "M.P." (Medium Panda) aka Earl - they who know every move that will take place in the course of any given match; before it happens! Not that big a deal in the world of pro-wrestling; but these two are also eyeing the late night infomercial biz - and a potential career as Miss Cleo-eclipsers...!
"We have POWERS. We KNOW things! We don't just act like it - WE ARE "know-it-alls"! BEFORE WE EVEN WALK THAT AISLE... We know who's gonna win, who's gonna lose - and in what horrendous fashion!!! Nobody can ever pull a fast one on us - NOBODY! Not even the head-booker! Not even the matchmaker! And not even our employer/promoter!!! Tell them, Errol!"
"Aye, Earl - we have the Third Eye! And we're not afraid to take a closer look! Scrutiny is the key to our victory - and we will tell you all your future RIGHT HERE and RIGHT NOW - when you face Errol & Earl; WE PREDICT THAT... YOU'RE GONNA LOSE, CHUMPS!"
Their manager, Eugene, can only concur with that! (And hope it is not all "horrorscope" hogwash again...!!)
That leaves only one "clique" - the original one?!? The Boston D.C.G.- the DOGS CHAIN GANG! The group that started it all back when Whoo-Oh W. Rasslin was just B.O.W.W.O.W. --- !!! We have several "old-school" champs'n'chumps here: TRIPLE B - the 99-time World Champion who retired after his 99th unsuccessful attempt at capturing the gold ONE MORE TIME (to reach the magical number of 100 - duh!) BIG BAD DOG JOHNNY B & TOMMY THE TERROR: tag-team specialists crowned champions multiple times (set to regain the belts asap - but don't tell anyone; it's a booking ssssssecret!) BARRY BOSTON - the multi-time Borough champion Ramblin' RUFF BOSTON - several times crowned a tag-team champion when a part of the "Bobby & Ruff" tag-team now acting as counselor and adviser as well as "tactical manager" for the group... Bombastic BOBBY BOSTON has retired from "rasslin" too... New recruits include D.J. BOSTON, BILLY BOSTON, SPARKY & SPOOKY BOSTON, Rambuctious RANDY BOSTON, T.B.T. - T.N.T. and C.K.M. (don't ask...) - a rambuctious ROBO-DOG as well and BLACKIE & WHITIE BOSTON - tag-team cruiserweight poodles! All of them pups are most eager to carry the BDCG tradition way into the next century at least... In dog years, anyhow! Let's listen a bit now to the one pooch (a bit of an old dog, really, but still we'll call him pooch) that is still the best ambassador and spokesman for the group - TRIPLE B...!
"Hooooooooo-woooooooooooooo! Listen up and listen up good now, boys, girls and assorted critters out there! This is THE BIG TIME, fools! This is the city of CHAMPIONS! The best! BOSTON! BOSTON IS THE BEST!!! HOOOOOO-WOOOOOOOO! And there is NOOOOOOOO denying that fact, Jack! Just like I am the greatest champion of ALL-TIME - and Big Bad Johnny with Tommy The Terrrrrrror are the toughest tag-team that EVER WAS...!!! They don't call them TEAM SOPORIFIC for nothing, Popo! Randy'n'Ruff... Bobby'n'Barry... Sparky'n'Spooky! the list goes on and on, chumps! We're the DOGS - chumps! We're the ELITE of this company! We're the FRANCHISE!!! Hoooooooooooo-wooooooooooooooooo! And nothing compares to THIS gang - nothing, Mack! You guys may want to chill out with Chilly's group... Or peter out with those pathetic pandas...! You may want to hang with the self-proclaimed "Owner of the Worrrrrrrld" too... You may go to hell with the DemonLion! And be absolutely ABSURD with the "abominable one"...! You can try and ride with the CyberGOOFS... Or be bombastic like the BSOB Posse!!! BUT NONE OF YOU CAN EVER REACH THE LEVEL OF THE ORIGINAL GANG - THE DOGS CHAIN GANG! ESTABLISHED IN 1899! Hooooooooo-whooooooooooooo!!! AND STILL RIDING HIGH WITH STYLE AND WITH A NOT-TOO-MESSED-UP PROFILE! Hooooooooooooo-wooooooooooooooooo!!! Triple B will come OUT of retirement WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT! And I will then win the World Title for the ONE-HUNDREDTH TIME! YEAH! NO ONE has ever done it! Triple B will be the one to do it! Hooooooooooooooo-woooooooooooooo! Hooooooooooooooo-woooooooooooooo! Hooooooooooooooo-wooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!"
The future's so bright for the DOGS CHAIN GANG... (but they're not wearing shades...?!?)
*Ahem* - ok, and finally, at the bottom of our pecking order, we have critters such as BRAWLIN BACON HAMM and DEAD CAT WALKING (like, to the ring - duh). Aye, in this farm we do things differently; and often totally upside down from the so-called ''real world'', baby! It's a jungle out there; well, in here, it's a topsy-turvy jungle! Right, Sam? (Sam is a fan - pictured below courtesy of the unruly, uncaring, all-together uncooperative photo-hosting slacker-of-a-hacker - to remain nameless, for his part!)
And, as an unexpected bonus, if you thought the preceding was painful to go through - check out the next "painful promo" cut by Fez aka Fezbird aka The Nature Boy (wannabee)... The following sure is painful to sit through, watch and listen to at times; but hey - it is only six minutes long...!
The Ron & Fez show is even some kind of legend somewhere... somehow... So much so, that the Family Guy cast spoofed it - I mean, paid homage to it...
Bad influence on all levels - at least, in MINE, the pets prevail...
Once again... Pictures here are merely indicative of the final product and remain the sole property of their respective owners. No resemblance, pellucid or obfuscated, with any living being on the planet is intended here - in any way, shape or form! Anyone tempted to sue should strive harder to find his sense of humor!
Well, I figured that since the ostentatious DAIRY QUEEN has given her blessing to a campaign that has her jack-of-spades and jack-of-hearts clamoring that they are "ready to be scooped up" while begging the ice (s)cream gal to please "fill (their) waffle bowl with love" (!) - so could I, King of the loquacious style of humor in these parts, indulge this form of humor with my "RASSLERS" here...! (But, for the record, I renounce any claim whatsoever for the capture of the crown of cheesy!)
Born in the Age of Aquarius, destined to seek out truths in many an art form, trained as a historian and a journalist but truly a prose-lover... Luciano is out to dispel any clichés and reinvent them all both to the tune of a little something called the truth as also to his own image - and being old-fashioned, he does not mind that distinction one infinitesimal tiny bit at all...! "There are two ways to spread the light; be the candle... or the mirror that reflects It." I have chosen to be the latter... okay? ~*~
"To be not only a seeker of light... but a dream weaver of light" ~*~ For as surely as the moon reflects the light from the sun, you and I can reflect the Light from Above - and be, indeed, the light of this world! ~*~*~*~ NOTE: THERE ARE COOKIES ~ from at least three parties~ ON ALL OF MY BLOGS! ~*~ accept it!
